LONELINESS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

Every one of us feels lonely at some point in our life, NOW MORE THAN EVER with our country in lockdown.
It is part of the human condition to experience, at times,a sense of isolation from others, regardless of wether others are present or not.
For those people for whom loneliness is a transitory and brief state, It is simply something to accept and understand
But for others loneliness is not a passing phase but a way of life that comes to feel like a trap from which they cannot escape, and when this happens, there is often great suffering.

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. It is quite possible to be alone and feel content, fulfilled and at peace
In this state solitude can be a joy and a blessing, allowing the individual time and space to explore their own inner life,to experience tranquility and to spend time with themselves in a loving way. In a state of solitude you can feel connected to others, even if they are not present. Solitude is without fear or distress and is a peaceful state.
Loneliness on the other hand, is unhappiness at being alone and is experienced as a state of separation from the rest of the world and an inability to communicate with others and thereby awaken our connections to them.
When we are lonely, we feel an inner sense of emptiness, helpless in our isolation and closed off from life.
Millions are feeling this now, with this ongoing situation.

There are different forms of loneliness. You might experience it as vague, informed emotions that tell you something is not right, a kind of fleeting void. Alternatively, you might feel loneliness as a very intense withdrawal, like an-acutely pain or a constant dull ache.
Loneliness also has many superficial causes.it nigh be that you are missing someone who has died or from whom you are separated.it might be that you are living or working alone and have little contact with others.Or it might be that you are around others, even in a relationship, but simply feel disconnected, unheard and unable to reach out for contact and support
What all loneliness has in common is the pattern it creates building walls instead of bridges.The more lonely someone feels, the more they cut themselves OFF from others and the harder it feels to imagine making a meaningful connection with another person
All loneliness also has in common the same source- FEAR
And in our modern, fast paced world fear,and therefore loneliness IS GROWING

Many of us now live in societies particularly in the WEST ( get me on a plane to Bali now) in which more and more people feel isolated and disconnected from how they feel and how those feelings affect the world.This sense of disconnection breeds fear, which in turn breeds loneliness. The tragedy of this this is that no one need feel lonely.like all other conditions, loneliness is simply a state of mind. The difference between joyous solitude and sorrowful loneliness is within each of us.And if we are willing, we can learn how to heal the sorrow of loneliness and turn it’s bitterness into the sweetness of INNER PEACE and the ability to choose either solitude or the meaningful company of others.
Like all human conditions, loneliness has within it great blessings, if we are willing to see them. By exploring your loneliness, you will discover a sense of purpose about your life, what is it you want to do and to live for. You will also discover the serenity within you, along with the ability you have to think, create and interact with other people

I hope to show you how to bless your loneliness, discover instead the joy of solitude and of connecting with others in a fulfilling way.

Misunderstanding loneliness

Loneliness can be made more intense by the way you talk to yourself about it. There are misconceptions about loneliness, which many people believe and repeat to themselves,reinforcing their unhappy messages. These include the belief that loneliness is a sign of weakness or immaturity or that there’s something ‘wrong’ with you if you are lonely.
Many people believe that no one else feels the way they do, that everyone is out there in the world enjoying great relationships and effortless contact with people.needless to say, none of these misconceptions are true.But if you believe any of them, then you may feel that your loneliness results from a defect in your personality.And when you allow yourself to believe this, it can lead to problems which include
•A greater fear of taking social risks, such as making phone calls to Uniate social contact, introducing yourself to others, participating in groups of any kind, from reading circles to parties
•A lessening in self-expression and responsiveness to others
•A greater tendency to approach social encounters with cynicism and mistrust.
•An increased likelihood of evaluating yourself and others in negative terms
•A greater expectation that others will reject you

In work at my clinics lonely people often tell me that they are feeling depressed, angry, afraid and misunderstood.
Many are highly critical of themselves, overly sensitive or self pitying, and they are often critical and blaming of others too. The result of this is that lonely people often begin doing things that perpetuate their loneliness.some, for example , become discouraged, losing the impetus to get involved in new situations, and isolating themselves from people and activities.
I can relate to this too, after the death of my mother
Others deal with loneliness by becoming involved too quickly and deeply with people with people or activities, without evaluating the consequences of their involvement. They may later find themselves in unsatisfying relationships or over-committed to work, religious beliefs or study
The alternative to viewing loneliness as something bad, a defect or an unalterable personality characteristic is to recognise that it is common to many people in all sectors of society and that,far from being ‘set in stone’, it can be transformed into an entirely different experience. Loneliness is simply a signal that important needs are going unmet and that ACTION is needed.

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